HEATHER...Love like h

Beautiful Heather

We entered 2011 with great hope for a more peaceful year as we settle into some sense of "normal" after so much change, struggle and difficulty over the last 3 years. Just 12 days into 2011 our lives were changed forever and the hope of peace seemed chattered by a late night phone call. One of our dearest friends, Heather Lynn Parman was killed instantly on her way home from work when a driver fell asleep at the wheel and crossed over into her lane hitting her head on. It was news that to this day seems unbelievable, unfathomable. It has taken a long time to even attempt to write anything about our amazing Heather and this unimaginable loss. I apologize for our silence but words just seem to fall short when you lose a person who is a part of that fragile picture that makes up your daily happiness, your future hopes and dreams.

Heather & Timmy loving my boys

Heather was just 26 year old, in love with her Timmy and ready to move back to Long Island and back into our daily lives as she prepared for her engagement and wedding to the man she had long prayed for and dreamed of. We first met Heather in September 2003 when she came to YWAM NY as a student in our Discipleship Training School. She immediately stood out. Nothing about Heather was average or ordinary. Her tremendous beauty both inside and out shinned through her contagious joy and her exuberant love for LIFE.

Our last evening together...cherish this picture FOREVER!

Heather went from student, to staff, to one of our closest and dearest friends, to FAMILY over our 7 years together. Our last years with Heather were some of the most precious. She was one of a small group of people who literally "saved" our family during my sickest and most desperate time. She would show up anytime, day or night, do dishes (her favorite :), pick up toys, juice me my 6 glasses of carrot juice a day, help prepare meals, clean, read stories to the kids, put them to bed, take them out for a few hours...you name it...Heather was there! She was lovingly named "Dan's Second Wife" which we joked about every time she was saving our lives! What I cherish the most though is the quiet moments (that were never that quiet...it was Heather!!). Dan, Heather and I hanging out on the couch or upstairs where I would be stuck in my bed for days. We would talk about everything serious and sometimes nothing at all...just being together meant peace, home, family, comfort and that somehow life would be OK no matter how difficult.

H & her boys

Dan and his "second (slightly green) wife"

THE PARMAN'S H's Brothers & Sisters

When I say Heather is "family" I mean that is the truest sense of the word. We have the pleasure of knowing and loving her parents, brothers and sisters after staying in their home many times during our All Access Tours. Its was never a question that the Parman's are a SPECIAL bunch nor was it hard to see why Heather was so spectacular. A group of our All Access and YWAM staff became very close over our many years together. Heather was the heart of our little group, we would all agree she was the BEST of us. In Heather's last year this "group" of people, this "FAMILY" had become closer than ever even though we were spread between Canada, California, Hawaii, Texas, Chicago, NY and beyond. Little did we know how much we would need each other in the days to come...thank you Lord for FAMILY! My kids considered Heather a part of their family to...they miss her and grieve for her daily. Just 2 days ago Kai (our 4 yr old) asked when Heather would be coming down from heaven to visit us??...it was a precious and heart breaking moment...one of many we have experienced in the last 9 months.. Heather loved ALL her kids and I am blessed my kids got to be a part of her BIG love! Our "FAMILY" will never be the same...

Normal H time

Bests...our last GIRLS picture

Kai & his H

Its been 9 months now that we have lived without our Heather. 9 months without that beautiful light that made our world so full and beautiful even in the bleakness of these difficult years. Some days I am not sure how we keep breathing, keep living each day with a sense of HOPE...except that I know she is counting on us to not give up.

Heather was our greatest cheerleader to say the least. In 2010 she reached a major goal by completing a half marathon. She choose to run on behalf of our family, she choose to run to raise money for my medical bills, she choose to make a selfless decision...it was the way Heather lived every day of her life. She stood by us when I became so ill, when we were forced to slow down our beloved ministry, when friends and people we loved were moving away and our life was nothing but an endless stream of suffering and loss. She never stopped her words of encouragement, her acts of kindness...she never stopped believing better days were coming or reminding us to hold on!

She DID it...13.1!!!!

To get that horrifying phone call on that stormy winter night felt like the END. Was loosing Heather the final blow??...could we survive REAL loss??...the kind where our hope to be reunited with our most beloved H does not exist in this life...the kind were you know the pain, the grief, the sadness will never be over...the kind were everyday life, the simplest moments and the most important, will never be complete because she is gone. Our H is gone.

Grief is something no one teaches you about. However, I feel the the 3 years before Heather's death were like a preview of grief, a lesson in how to cope when life is flipped upside down. But nothing, NOTHING can prepare you for the emptiness. The SILENCE. The loss of a life that filled a room the moment she walked in (and sometimes when she was still down the hall). Everything is quieter without H. My phone no longer "dings" 6 times in a row telling me...yes, Heather's texting me one of  her normally long texts..she never sent a short one, nor do I! Trips in the car are no longer filled with blasting music, hysterical laughter and obsessive picture taking to document every moment. Meetings and important conversations are no longer interrupted by her playing some crazy loud game with the kids or screaming with joy when they would say something cute or when someone, ANYONE new enters the room. Birthday party's, weddings, the kids events, holidays, ministry...and just doing dishes...its all way to quiet without H.

Heather's Memorial

At her memorial service we coined the phrase "Love Like h". We made bracelets which have now been handed out to hundreds of people. SO MANY PEOPLE LOVED HEATHER. We all work hard to spread a simple yet life changing message that Heather lived every day. "Don't just pretend to love others...really love them"...it was her last facebook post and the challenge I believe she left with us. Dan had the privilege to speak at her funeral and memorial service challenging the over 900 people that attended with her legacy of LOVE.

LOVE LIKE h

Heather was always present, lived life as a servant, she was a friend to everyone she met, she treated people with "Jesus" kind of love and lived every day with an exuberance and joy as if it was her last. Heather was a beautiful artists, the world's BEST barista, a life committed missionary, a women of a great wisdom & fabulous mentor to so many girls, incredibly gifted with children (the "child whisperer"...as we called her), a faithful journalist of her own life (a gift to us all now in her passing), a great actress and most talented performer, a beloved daughter, sister, love and friend. Heather did not waste a moment. She didn't know she only had 26 years but somehow she managed to squeeze in a lifetime of love and life well lived. "Well done my good and faithful servant"...I know those are the words her precious Savior spoke as she jumped into His arms!

Heather's Art

Heather playing her "Punk" role in "No More Victims"

Heather is my HERO. Heather is OUR Hero. She has already inspired four people she loved to run the same half marathon she did. One of those people was Dan. He trained and ran everyday for H from the time of her passing till May 1st when he accomplished a goal he never would have attempted without Heather's inspiration. Tyler and Dan completed two 5K's together in June. Tyler was so honored to run for his H. Just this month one of Heather's close friends from Chicago ran the Chicago Marathon in Heather's honor...she went that extra step and ran on behalf of our family to raise money for my on-going medical bills...she "Loved like H"!! I know Heather saw all of this, I know she must have screamed so loud all of heaven heard...her legacy has just begun to shine!

Lisa at the Chicago Marathon

TEAM H complete's Half Marathon

Dan tearfully crosses the finish line for H

Tyler & Dan Complete a 5k

Losing Heather makes me long for my eternal home. It allows me to see how temporary this life is. With all its suffering and pain it is important to keep our eyes focused on the eternal life God has promised. It is there that the sadness and grief will end, tears will be permanently wiped away and that reunion we long for each moment with H and all those we have lost will be realized! Our time here is precious. Even inside the suffering I want to LIVE fully each day as Heather did. I want to honor her legacy  and never stop doing "THE SHOW" (what she loving called "No More Victims") , never stop loving kids and changing lives, never stop honoring and obeying my God no matter the sacrifice. I will rest and find joy in life's simplicity, love BIG with my family, friends and the newest person I meet and NEVER give up hope that there are still DREAMS yet to be fulfilled!

This separation from Heather is temporary. I think that is why I can still breath.

Heather & her girls...FOREVER missing our H!

Thank you for choosing us, loving us and changing us...We LOVE YOU our H

"Don't just pretend to love others...really love them."

CURTAIN PLEASE

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! We cannot begin this update without first thanking so many of you who have so faithfully prayed for and supported us during such difficult few years. 2010 has been no exception but we are grateful to finally look toward a New Year with great hope as we can begin to see some light at the end of the tunnel!  


Many of you have kept up with us by phone, Facebook or time spent together. But for some I know this report is long overdue, so I apologize now for its length but want you to finish this feeling fully “pulled in”. So grab your coffee…and hopefully you can relax and enjoy!


Before we share our update, let me do a quick recap to help bring you up to date:

2008: After 13 years of non-stop ministry with YWAM Metro NY and seeing All Access grow by leaps and bounds each year, we fully anticipated more of the same in years to come! No one was more shocked than us to see everything pause so abruptly when in February ’08, after being misdiagnosed for over 17 years, Rebecca fell seriously ill with Late Stage Neurological Lyme Disease. We struggled through 2008 but with the help of our amazing staff were still able to complete out PADTS outreach and our fall Company Tour of “No More Victims”.


2009: We knew that in 2009 we must take a sabbatical to focus more fully on Rebecca’s recovery. 2009 was a tough year as we battled through heavy treatment and some terrible and frightening episodes for Rebecca as she fought this disease daily. Life changed by the hour and our new normal was “survival mode”. This year marked the discovery of an amazing specialist and team of natural practitioners and a physical therapist that literally brought Rebecca from the point of slipping away... back to stability. It was only through your prayers, love and support and that of many family and friends who assisted us daily that we made it through!!  We will never be the same for all we experienced during this difficult year. Making it even harder was the realization that 2009 was to be our last year at YWAM NY, as God had spoken to us just before Rebecca became ill that change was in store and our time with YWAM NY was nearing an end. This was especially hard for us as YWAM NY was our home , our family and we had anticipated many more years of service there. As painful as it was to take this challenging step in our family and ministry, we knew we needed to walk in faith and obedience to the word of the Lord. We knew God was speaking to us to step out with All Access  in order to research and re-develop the ministry to meet the increasing demands for our program in the public high schools across our nation. This also meant saying some very tough goodbyes to many of our closest staff and friends! 


2010: In 2010 we stepped out by placing ourselves under the wise council and accountability of many of our YWAM Northeast leaders along with the Pastor and leadership team of our church here on Long Island. Our hope as we started the year was to dive right in and see All Access back up and running again in just a few short months. We spent the first half of this year hard at work finding new housing and office space here on Long Island so Rebecca could remain close to her doctors and family as she continued treatment. In addition to this our days were full of all the administrative tasks, meetings and fundraising necessary to get things up and running. Eventually, it became overwhelmingly obvious that due to Rebecca’s ongoing health limitations and our minimal staff we were going to have to move at a much slower pace; this was a very HARD pill to swallow!  

We have only had one pace since we began ministry 15 years ago- HYPERDRIVE!!! To ease up- finding peace in the slow and steady steps- has been a hard lesson to learn! After much council and prayer we knew following God’s pace and timing was essential for healing and our ability to rebuild with a stronger and steadier foundation. With assurance we knew God was NOT calling us to take more sabbatical time away from ministry BUT….


How could we continue in full time ministry, give Rebecca more time to heal, re-develop All Access slowly and survive financially with our medical bills while living on Long Island to be near Rebecca’s Health Care “team”??? These are the questions that seemed to haunt us daily!! 


After some tough months we are excited to report that our forever faithful God has made a way. Here’s the long awaited scoop and God’s answers to our many questions:


HOW CAN WE CONTINUE IN FULL TIME MINISTRY?
As we were pondering this and all our many questions, Dan met with our Pastor to talk and pray. After hearing our situation our Pastor shared a need the church was facing with Dan. The new building they are renovating for our expanding church was taking longer than expected forcing the church to go mobile for a while. The church needed an expert in building a portable sound system as well as training and equipping a large volunteer team to “set up” and “tear down” stage, lighting and sound equipment very quickly- just what Dan has become an expert in after all our years on the road with All Access!! This “mutual need” opened the door for the church to take us under their wing. Understanding we need to move slowly in the re-development of Al l Access, they offered Dan the opportunity to also work on their staff as Media and Production Director meeting their need while getting Dan back to work immediately doing what he does so well in ministry!  He is in charge of all media, production, film and editing as well as assisting in the media design of their new sanctuary.  
This all took place very recently and so we are adjusting to Dan’s long work days at the church. After two years working hard as full time care giver to us all along with so much All Access administrative work, Dan is thrilled to be out from behind a desk, actively reaching “the un-churched” and seeing many come to Christ and be discipled weekly!!  

HOW CAN WE GIVE REBECCA LESS STRESS AND MORE TIME TO HEAL?
This was a major concern amongst our council and accountability! Every wise leader that has spoken into our lives has echoed scripture to us that God is most concerned with us and not just what we do for HIM!! Rebecca self admittedly will push beyond reason to bring to life the visions that burn within her for the schools and young people. To take this step back and realize more time is needed for her to heal has been a huge adjustment. HOWEVER…it has also been a season of time she has longed for in the business of our ministry for many years. Time to rest, focus on her treatment and health, and most importantly, focus on being a wife and a mother to our three amazing boys!! The home God has provided us is actually in a small town further out east on the island. It is quiet, peaceful, quaint and completely opposite to our bustling life in Smithtown, where we lived in community for 11 years. It is just what the doctor ordered! Rebecca has just begun IV Antibiotics, which is a heavy duty treatment for Lyme that she was unable to tolerate until now. She will probably have a bad few weeks or months, but we pray the other side of this treatment will bring us to a new level in her ongoing healing and lead to a more vibrant Rebecca!! In the mean time, there is time and peace to heal!!!

HOW CAN WE SURVIVE FINACIALLY WITH OUR MEDICAL BILLS and STAY ON LI TO BE CLOSE TO REBECCA’S HEALTH CARE TEAM?
Due to these years of illness we have not been able to put time into our fundraising to continue to build our support team. Even with our committed monthly gifts we were beginning to drown with medical bills and the rising cost of a family of 5 living on Long Island. Seeing our struggle the church offered us their continued financial support along with some additional income to supplement our current support and steady us out financially. Even with this we still could not afford our own housing on LI to stay here. Yet again God intervened and All Access received a donation to cover the rent needed for a year to house us and provide us an office and start up expenses for the ministry- WOW!!!!!!! Grateful does not begin to describe our feelings!!
With your continued support and the support of our church, for the first time in 15 years of ministry we have been able to pay our monthly bills without overwhelming stress or falling behind! We will still need to raise additional money to cover all of the medical debt that has accrued over the last 2 years (about $8,000) as well as some ongoing doctor bills and some of the more expensive treatments. However, to go from having nothing to put toward these expenses monthly to at least having something to put a dent in it is a MIRACLE!!!!


HOW CAN WE CONTINUE TO REDEVELOPE ALL ACCESS SLOWLY?
SLOW…is a hard word for us but each day we are learning that slow and steady really does win the race!! It would be impossible to have not seen the blaring news reports over the last few months about the rising crisis of bullying and suicide in our schools. This has made it even harder for us to hold steady and not lunge into action, but we know a crisis calls for a clear and calculated response!! We believe God has a clear plan for All Access and right now our job is to continue to pray, complete all the background work needed in regards to 501c3’s, etc, and take each step as it comes. We believe as we do this that God’s perfect plan will emerge along with Rebecca’s healing and ability to take on all that is necessary to put All Access back in the schools!! We have our office set up here at home and we have our tasks set out ahead of us, believing God that each simple step of obedience will produce His clear plan of action! When that plan is clear, we have received full support for the re-launch of our ministry from YWAM East Coast, our amazing church and many friends who have offered their expertise. They have offered us not just the prayer and financial support but many of the physical means we will need to get up and running again- including theater, rehearsal space, equipment, websites, branding, etc.In addition, some other exciting opportunities have been presented to us…stay tuned for more! God is up to something great and we are willing to take it slow so we don’t miss a minute!

Soooo, after that long scoop, here is our question to you:


WILL YOU STAY THE COURSE WITH US AS WE ENTER “ACT 2”?
I wish we had the perfect drawn up plan to give you. We want to know, but this season of our life calls for patience in times of struggle so we can build perseverance to complete the race. True faith is born out of these seasons in our lives! We have received multiple words from many trusted leaders and counselors that God is forming us for what is to come, and our personal words from the Lord have confirmed that! This season is not the end of something but the beginning of a new journey in which God’s plans will emerge and astound us; they already have!


The stage is being set. Will you walk this journey of faith with us and believe not just in the ministry that is to come, but in the ministry we are involved in now? We believe fully in the ministry God has called us to do with True North along with the background work we are doing with All Access. It’s all a part of our “Act 2”!!


We know that we cannot continue in full time ministry without each one of you. We humbly ask for your to prayerfully consider partnering with us in 2011 so together we can see God fulfill His purposes both here on Long Island as well as in the Schools across our nation! “Act 2” is about to start- don’t miss it! CURTAIN PLEASE!!!

*PS. Here are some additional questions we thought you may have for us…THE DETAILS


HOW CAN WE RECEIVE WEEKLY OR MONTHLY UPDATES FROM THE BURD FAMILY ALONG WITH PRAYER REQUEST?
It seems that email and blogs have become some of the best ways for missionaries to stay more intimately connected. Newsletters have been a struggle for us since Rebecca became ill, due to the time and cost involved in sending one out. We will continue to do our “end of the year letter” and any others in between that we can manage. But blogging and emailing is something we can do in less than 24hrs, costs nothing and Rebecca can even do it on her sick days in bed. We will update it as often as possible including MINISTRY, FAMILY and HEALTH updates (and pics of course)! So Welcome to our Blogs :) Please feel free to comment back and/or send us an email!!
Our blogs: www.theburdseyeviewact2.blogspot.com and www.rebeccashealthupdates.blogspot.com

DO WE STILL SEND CHECKS TO YWAM OR IS THERE A NEW WAY TO PROCESS THEM?
As of January 2011 we will not be able to process our checks through YWAM NY.  Since we have not yet completed our 501c3 we were graciously offered a few options to process our support and still get you your tax deductable receipts at the end of the year. If we processed it through YWAM we would need to use a different YWAM  location out of state which is complicated. So...our church graciously offered to process our support checks for us.  Checks will now need to be made out to “True North Community Church”.  Please include a note indicating the gift is for "The Burd Family". Please do NOT include our name anywhere on the check. The church is not charging us a processing fee, so all your support will go directly to our family as you have indicated!! Checks can be sent to our mailing address which is given below. Feel free to contact us with any questions.


*If you have any questions about our transition or our current ministry, please feel free to contact us by email at dburd@allaccessny.org or rburd@allaccessny.org


Our new mailing address is:
4 State Street, Hampton Bays, NY 11946