HEATHER...Love like h

Beautiful Heather

We entered 2011 with great hope for a more peaceful year as we settle into some sense of "normal" after so much change, struggle and difficulty over the last 3 years. Just 12 days into 2011 our lives were changed forever and the hope of peace seemed chattered by a late night phone call. One of our dearest friends, Heather Lynn Parman was killed instantly on her way home from work when a driver fell asleep at the wheel and crossed over into her lane hitting her head on. It was news that to this day seems unbelievable, unfathomable. It has taken a long time to even attempt to write anything about our amazing Heather and this unimaginable loss. I apologize for our silence but words just seem to fall short when you lose a person who is a part of that fragile picture that makes up your daily happiness, your future hopes and dreams.

Heather & Timmy loving my boys

Heather was just 26 year old, in love with her Timmy and ready to move back to Long Island and back into our daily lives as she prepared for her engagement and wedding to the man she had long prayed for and dreamed of. We first met Heather in September 2003 when she came to YWAM NY as a student in our Discipleship Training School. She immediately stood out. Nothing about Heather was average or ordinary. Her tremendous beauty both inside and out shinned through her contagious joy and her exuberant love for LIFE.

Our last evening together...cherish this picture FOREVER!

Heather went from student, to staff, to one of our closest and dearest friends, to FAMILY over our 7 years together. Our last years with Heather were some of the most precious. She was one of a small group of people who literally "saved" our family during my sickest and most desperate time. She would show up anytime, day or night, do dishes (her favorite :), pick up toys, juice me my 6 glasses of carrot juice a day, help prepare meals, clean, read stories to the kids, put them to bed, take them out for a few hours...you name it...Heather was there! She was lovingly named "Dan's Second Wife" which we joked about every time she was saving our lives! What I cherish the most though is the quiet moments (that were never that quiet...it was Heather!!). Dan, Heather and I hanging out on the couch or upstairs where I would be stuck in my bed for days. We would talk about everything serious and sometimes nothing at all...just being together meant peace, home, family, comfort and that somehow life would be OK no matter how difficult.

H & her boys

Dan and his "second (slightly green) wife"

THE PARMAN'S H's Brothers & Sisters

When I say Heather is "family" I mean that is the truest sense of the word. We have the pleasure of knowing and loving her parents, brothers and sisters after staying in their home many times during our All Access Tours. Its was never a question that the Parman's are a SPECIAL bunch nor was it hard to see why Heather was so spectacular. A group of our All Access and YWAM staff became very close over our many years together. Heather was the heart of our little group, we would all agree she was the BEST of us. In Heather's last year this "group" of people, this "FAMILY" had become closer than ever even though we were spread between Canada, California, Hawaii, Texas, Chicago, NY and beyond. Little did we know how much we would need each other in the days to come...thank you Lord for FAMILY! My kids considered Heather a part of their family to...they miss her and grieve for her daily. Just 2 days ago Kai (our 4 yr old) asked when Heather would be coming down from heaven to visit us??...it was a precious and heart breaking moment...one of many we have experienced in the last 9 months.. Heather loved ALL her kids and I am blessed my kids got to be a part of her BIG love! Our "FAMILY" will never be the same...

Normal H time

Bests...our last GIRLS picture

Kai & his H

Its been 9 months now that we have lived without our Heather. 9 months without that beautiful light that made our world so full and beautiful even in the bleakness of these difficult years. Some days I am not sure how we keep breathing, keep living each day with a sense of HOPE...except that I know she is counting on us to not give up.

Heather was our greatest cheerleader to say the least. In 2010 she reached a major goal by completing a half marathon. She choose to run on behalf of our family, she choose to run to raise money for my medical bills, she choose to make a selfless decision...it was the way Heather lived every day of her life. She stood by us when I became so ill, when we were forced to slow down our beloved ministry, when friends and people we loved were moving away and our life was nothing but an endless stream of suffering and loss. She never stopped her words of encouragement, her acts of kindness...she never stopped believing better days were coming or reminding us to hold on!

She DID it...13.1!!!!

To get that horrifying phone call on that stormy winter night felt like the END. Was loosing Heather the final blow??...could we survive REAL loss??...the kind where our hope to be reunited with our most beloved H does not exist in this life...the kind were you know the pain, the grief, the sadness will never be over...the kind were everyday life, the simplest moments and the most important, will never be complete because she is gone. Our H is gone.

Grief is something no one teaches you about. However, I feel the the 3 years before Heather's death were like a preview of grief, a lesson in how to cope when life is flipped upside down. But nothing, NOTHING can prepare you for the emptiness. The SILENCE. The loss of a life that filled a room the moment she walked in (and sometimes when she was still down the hall). Everything is quieter without H. My phone no longer "dings" 6 times in a row telling me...yes, Heather's texting me one of  her normally long texts..she never sent a short one, nor do I! Trips in the car are no longer filled with blasting music, hysterical laughter and obsessive picture taking to document every moment. Meetings and important conversations are no longer interrupted by her playing some crazy loud game with the kids or screaming with joy when they would say something cute or when someone, ANYONE new enters the room. Birthday party's, weddings, the kids events, holidays, ministry...and just doing dishes...its all way to quiet without H.

Heather's Memorial

At her memorial service we coined the phrase "Love Like h". We made bracelets which have now been handed out to hundreds of people. SO MANY PEOPLE LOVED HEATHER. We all work hard to spread a simple yet life changing message that Heather lived every day. "Don't just pretend to love others...really love them"...it was her last facebook post and the challenge I believe she left with us. Dan had the privilege to speak at her funeral and memorial service challenging the over 900 people that attended with her legacy of LOVE.

LOVE LIKE h

Heather was always present, lived life as a servant, she was a friend to everyone she met, she treated people with "Jesus" kind of love and lived every day with an exuberance and joy as if it was her last. Heather was a beautiful artists, the world's BEST barista, a life committed missionary, a women of a great wisdom & fabulous mentor to so many girls, incredibly gifted with children (the "child whisperer"...as we called her), a faithful journalist of her own life (a gift to us all now in her passing), a great actress and most talented performer, a beloved daughter, sister, love and friend. Heather did not waste a moment. She didn't know she only had 26 years but somehow she managed to squeeze in a lifetime of love and life well lived. "Well done my good and faithful servant"...I know those are the words her precious Savior spoke as she jumped into His arms!

Heather's Art

Heather playing her "Punk" role in "No More Victims"

Heather is my HERO. Heather is OUR Hero. She has already inspired four people she loved to run the same half marathon she did. One of those people was Dan. He trained and ran everyday for H from the time of her passing till May 1st when he accomplished a goal he never would have attempted without Heather's inspiration. Tyler and Dan completed two 5K's together in June. Tyler was so honored to run for his H. Just this month one of Heather's close friends from Chicago ran the Chicago Marathon in Heather's honor...she went that extra step and ran on behalf of our family to raise money for my on-going medical bills...she "Loved like H"!! I know Heather saw all of this, I know she must have screamed so loud all of heaven heard...her legacy has just begun to shine!

Lisa at the Chicago Marathon

TEAM H complete's Half Marathon

Dan tearfully crosses the finish line for H

Tyler & Dan Complete a 5k

Losing Heather makes me long for my eternal home. It allows me to see how temporary this life is. With all its suffering and pain it is important to keep our eyes focused on the eternal life God has promised. It is there that the sadness and grief will end, tears will be permanently wiped away and that reunion we long for each moment with H and all those we have lost will be realized! Our time here is precious. Even inside the suffering I want to LIVE fully each day as Heather did. I want to honor her legacy  and never stop doing "THE SHOW" (what she loving called "No More Victims") , never stop loving kids and changing lives, never stop honoring and obeying my God no matter the sacrifice. I will rest and find joy in life's simplicity, love BIG with my family, friends and the newest person I meet and NEVER give up hope that there are still DREAMS yet to be fulfilled!

This separation from Heather is temporary. I think that is why I can still breath.

Heather & her girls...FOREVER missing our H!

Thank you for choosing us, loving us and changing us...We LOVE YOU our H

"Don't just pretend to love others...really love them."